The Doll
by Querida del Diablo
Summary: “If I really can’t be helped, then why bother wasting my time in these cold hospitals...? Perhaps, I should’ve spend more time enjoying the time I have then trying to stretch the time I’m here...” ReixMao, one shot, death ficcie


Yosh! ) Hello everyone, a new one shot by CRL! I came up with this one after a rather disappointing Theology class. Yes, there are reallife references.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I do own the storyline. Ta-da!

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I stare down into the grave. The coffin is being lowered slowly. My eyes are empty. I still can't believe that this is the end of this young girl's life. Yes, I cared for her deeply. I wanted to do everything for her, to make her feel better, to help her fight this disease. Anything that might make her holding on.

There is no honesty in death. Whatever some people might tell about it. How would it be honest for a young girl to die so early? She had dreams, and her disease all shattered them.

I think, the only truth is, that there is no meaning in death. Of course, I can accept death. But not death at such a young age. Not everyone deserves death. I believe a scientific explanation more than a religious explanation. God didn't create this earth. There is no God. There is no meaning beyond life. No meaning beyond death. No afterlife, no reincarnation.

Those are humanity's fantasies to make up for the fear of death. To make them think that in the unknown there'll be someone out there looking for you. But why fear death? It's stupid to fear the unknown.

My friend here is dead now. She knows what the unknown is. It angers me however that people go around saying: 'God has reasons for everything'. How can one being decide over life and death at will? I don't see the fairness in it.

Still... I'll need to accept it. And cherish the good memories I have of her... Like this one...

_I sat next to Mariah's bedside. Her face was surrounded by pink-colored hair, but looked pale, however not nearly as white as her sheets. Even that would have been a prettier sight than seeing that grey, pale haze of illness.I tried to smile the best I could. It took me everything to not burst out in tears._

_The diagnosis of the doctors hadn't been light. There was only 27 chance she'd make it through, and her situation was instable. The cancer got even worse by the day. Mariah probably already knew it. She was an intelligent girl; she would've noticed it a long time ago, no doubt. Still, she managed to look brightly at the future._

_For the sake of it, I asked her what she wanted to be later. Her answer is forever echoing in my mind..._

_"Oh... I know what I want to be later... I want to be a doctor. No, more like a researcher. I want to do research on ways to abandon a disease like cancer from our society. I want to develop a medicine to help people like me..."_

It's a mixture of emotions when you hear such an answer. It's a cliché answer, perhaps, but for me, it was both wonderful and harsh to hear. I knew she would probably never do such a thing, but it was wonderful to hear she still had hope, and it started a little flame of hope inside of me too.

How I was right in the end... About two weeks later the diagnosis of the doctors became worse...

_"The chance that Mrs. Wong will actually get out of this without consequences is nearly zero."_

To put it lightly...It ignited every flame of hope I had at that time...

You might wonder how many doctors my friend has seen in her short life. I can say that there were more than ten. She moved from doctor to doctor, from specialist to specialist, from hospital to hospital. And none of it helped.

I have no doubt that she felt heartbroken every time she had to move again. It was killing her. Just like the cancer...

I have to admit, my feelings for Mariah were, and still are, more than mere friendship feelings. I think it's quite obvious. But in the first place, we were best friends, and she told me most of her feelings.

I know she doubted, just like me, if all those changes and hospitals were really necessary.

_"If I really can't be helped, then why bother wasting my time in these cold hospitals...? Perhaps, I should've spend more time enjoying the time I have then trying to stretch the time I'm here..."_

Yes, my Mariah was really intelligent, wasn't she? All that intelligence wasted...

The coffin reaches the bottom and lands with a soft thud. It's time for our last greeting. As the last one, I take a step near to the coffin. First, I slowly lay down a doll. Her doll...

_"Hey Rei! Look what I made!" Mariah said cheerily. She even had a blush on her cheek, something you didn't see often last weeks._

_I looked down and saw what she was holding. "A doll?" I asked._

_"Yes! I made it by myself! Two of them! One for me and one for you! So we always think of each other! Forever and ever!"_

The black hair of the doll flies around in the wind. It slowly caresses my hand. The soft touch of it feels comfortable. It's her doll. My doll's at home. Perhaps I someday will believe that we are connected for eternity now. Right now, it just sounds incredibly ironic.

Then...I let it fall... And with it a part of me falls...

Secondly, diagonally over the chest, I lay down my red rose. I rise and stand back in the row of people.

I need to go now... They're going to close the pit. It's so hard, yet tears are not leaving my eyes. It's so hard to part from such an important person in my life.

A few minutes later I'm walking down the path towards the parking lot. And as I am walking, I finally realise something...

I'm finally able to cry...

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Ne, review? -Pout-

Ja Ne!  
-CRL


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